Danish Cold-table and Illegal Sandwich Eating: Funny Story

So, nearly every year we have this thing on my mom's viking side of the family (which is Danish) called a Cold Table (aka Det Store Kolde Bord -- don't ask me how to pronounce that, I don't know!)

Now for those of you who don't know, a cold table actually isn't a table that's cold (yeah I know! The name is so misleading, right?) but a buffet sorta thing that serves, well, cold food! There is herring (seel), and cheese, stjerneskud (translation: shooting star. Cool, right?), dyrlaegens natmad, and other various foods I cannot pronounce. And last, but certainly not least, there are OPEN SANDWICHES. Which, by American definition, are not sandwiches at all but bread with stuff on them...that you eat with forks...yeah. So, I always had a issue with them. I mean, why eat a sandwich with a fork and knife when you can eat it with your hands much quicker? Plus, when are Danes so civilized? I thought we were vikings. Somehow plundering villages doesn't seem that civilized to me, but I guess I wouldn't know.

Anyway, back to my point, this whole open sandwich thing didn't work for me, nor did the "no using bare hands" rule. But I was very clever, or so I thought, and decided I KNOW! I can use my fork and knife as hands. So, I put my sandwich together using my fork and knife and then held it up, with one utensil on the bottom and the other on top, while my Mormor (mother's mother) stared at me with wide eyes and made a comment about how my Morfa's (mother's father) Mor (mother) is probably rolling in her grave.

The end.

Yeah, sorry, couldn't think of a paragraph to tie all these together.

Moral of story: In Denmark, do not use fork and knife as hands or a lot of Danish zombies might kill you.

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