By: Cara E. Ruegg
You were four days late and I was anxious for your arrival. My last midwife appointment, I was told I was measuring two weeks ahead; it was implied maybe I had gestational diabetes after all but I had been monitoring my sugars with my glucometer, something I thought far more accurate anyway, and fasting and after meals was still normal even with dessert, so I don’t think it was that. The midwife suggested I consider an ultrasound to check your weight to see if we should do the hospital route. She said she was trained to handle shoulder dystocia even at home but would prefer more hands. I remembered with your brother how inaccurate that last ultrasound was, nearly two pounds off. I also later did research and found maternal outcomes were better when the woman didn’t know her child would be big. It made sense. Fear is the enemy of labour. I was told though if you came before the ultrasound, we’d just go ahead with the home birth, so I was now ready for you to come, whereas before I actually didn’t mind you taking your precious time as we were all recently had the flu or something similar and I wanted to make sure you entered into a sick-free household.
The day before you arrived, I got adjusted by the chiropractor. He told me he was betting I’d have you in a matter of hours. I wasn’t so sure. You seemed snug and when the midwife last checked she said I was only 1 cm dilated and you weren’t very engaged which she said could be because you were too big, which I thought was nonsense, especially knowing what I knew about women’s bodies and that in subsequent births babies can wait to descend until labour, but anyway… When evening hit, prodromal labour started as usual. I did my figure 8s on the exercise ball and sat on it a lot for comfort. I likely nursed your brother before bed, as I usually did, and then around 10 I recall being on hands and knees trying to relieve the pain so I could sleep. Suddenly, my water broke. I at first thought I had peed myself, but it kept going, so so much for that theory. Brian came to help me down to the basement where we planned on having my birth space. It was heavily snowing outside, but it did not deter my midwife.
When she got here, she said I was not yet in active labour, but that changed very quickly. Within an hour or so, I definitely was. This being said, surprisingly, I found the pain very manageable for the most part unlike when I was in labour with your brother (with him it felt like I hit transition even before active labour began). I did one leg up on the bed frame, one down on the floor. I did my hands and knees position. I did my de stressor breaths. I drank some cold pressed pineapple juice. Even though we were at 40 weeks, we were not prepared for your arrival and your dad was washing the baby clothes for part of the labour.
When the contractions began to get a little more intense and I threw up the pineapple juice, I knew I was likely in transition or close to it. I hopped into the birth pool, which was nice because I had been getting chills for a while now and the warmth helped. In the pool, I did lots of hands and knees again. Once we got to the pushing stage, labour became what felt to me to be unbearable. I knew I was past the epidural stage so a c-section sounded like the next best thing, a bit ridiculous, but I just did not want to push and felt like I just could not do it. I held off for what felt like a long time, praying to God that the ejection reflex would kick in. It did not. I finally mustered the courage to push, saying ejaculatory prayers the whole time such as “Mary make haste to help me!” “God help me!”
Finally you were born and placed in my arms. You did not cry. You just laid there, breathing against my chest, partially covered by the water. It was a beautiful and peaceful moment and I instantly bonded with you. There was such a deep connection and love. The midwives took you for a moment and you cried, but settled as soon as you were given back to me. You seemed to recognize me and I was your safe space.
You had a head full of hair and you were fairly big, 9 pounds, 6 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. Despite your size, I did not even tear and my midwife said it was likely because my pushing was so controlled. I lied there in bed, holding you, as I birthed the placenta. You quickly found the breast and latched on like a pro. It was such a relief considering how difficult I had found nursing your brother those early days. Even though you also had oral restrictions like he did, you caused me no discomfort when nursing.
In the midst of a snowstorm, you were born, my precious boy, so fierce and yet so calm, so strong and yet so gentle, healthy and happy and content.
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