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The What If’s When the Relationship Ends


By Cara E. Ruegg

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Maybe if I hid my insecurities better, he wouldn’t have left…

Maybe if I didn’t say, “I love you”, he wouldn’t have said, “Goodbye”.

Maybe if I played hard to get…

Maybe if I didn’t call so much…

Maybe this and maybe that, but, honestly what good does speculating and blaming ourselves do when a relationship ends? I can’t tell you how many times in relationships I did the same thing, but it was a waste of time and more than once it wasn’t my fault anyway and the guy was just manipulating me to think it was, or didn’t know what he wanted, or wasn’t right for me. I was over here trying to change myself because I never imagined a man would love me for me, but then I found my husband, Brian. Don’t make yourself crazy with the “what if’s”; God doesn’t disturb the soul like that. 

It’s true, we can learn lessons from failed relationships. It’s also true that sometimes it is our fault, for instance, if we were dishonest with who we were involved with or cheated on them, but I’m not really referring to those cases here in my article. I’m referring to those cases where the flaws were more imperfections or personality traits that didn’t mesh well with the other person, or really minor failings that in itself shouldn’t drive a relationship to the ground. 

The devil loves to cause the soul anxiety. I don’t think a break-up ever happened to me personally where right after I didn’t analyze and re-analyze, and do somersaults in my head trying to figure out what I did wrong. I wasted a lot of time and energy doing that and only prolonged the hurt. If I had simply put it in God’s hands and trusted Him more I would’ve healed a whole lot sooner. 

My advice to you is to place your sadness at His wounded feet and trust Him. Let it go. Who knows why this relationship ended, if it was your fault or not, if anything done differently on your part would’ve made a difference or not. Just trust Him. You may not know, but He does. He has allowed this evil for a greater good. This heartache you face now, these broken pieces laid out before you might actually serve to draw you closer to the person you are meant to be with. 

Around the time Brian and I were introduced, I was casually dating someone else. This man was nice enough, but he wasn’t the man I was meant to marry. When things ended between us, I was devastated, but if things hadn’t ended when they did and if I didn’t have some time to get over it, I may have never ended up with my husband who, all-in-all was a much better choice and more than I could’ve dreamed of! 

Trust in God. Stop driving yourself insane guilt-tripping yourself. It could be this break-up saved you from a lifetime of heartache married to a person you would’ve never been happy with. 















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